The Little Book of Toilet Jokes: The Ultimate Collection of Crap Jokes, Number One-Liners and Hilarious Cracks

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I always thought Trojan was a bad name for a condom brand because of course the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls.” Jonny Lennard (2014) Garry and Barry the Identical Twins – a boy convinced that a tree in his garden is actually his identical twin brother. Iran has reminded North Korea not to trust Donald Trump, which is exactly what Marla Maples told Melania. Captain Captured – the man who's constantly caught. At the start of each strip, Captain Captured would get captured in a mysterious Bond villain-like fashion. He would then escape only to get captured again, and again, and again, and... A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!”

Nan Dare – a strip in which Dan Dare is asked to take care of his senile grandmother for the day, but forced to bring her on an urgent mission into space to rescue an alien ambassador. The villain never shows up, as he has been delayed by his grandmother.Many experts worry that by needing the North Korean summit too much Trump gave Kim Jong-un the upper hand. But only a little one. The Nancy Boys – a parody of The Hardy Boys where a pair of boy detectives go around causing trouble for innocent people (such as getting a homeless man arrested for vagrancy.)

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man.

I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson.” Eric Lampaert (2016) The Modern Parents – and their long-suffering children, Tarquin and Guinevere. The two, Malcolm and Cressida, are middle-class, left-wing, self-absorbed and sanctimonious, often waxing lyrical about issues such as environmentalism. Their two sons, Tarquin and Guinevere (who was given a girls' name as his parents did not want to conform to gender stereotypes) are more down-to-earth, with Tarquin often, usually unsuccessfully, trying to reason with his parents.Brian's Bannister – An early strip about a boy who owned a bannister who tries to take it to the local park, only to find out that bannisters are not allowed in public. I’ve always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter. Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. They’ll raise their fists, I’ll whip my knob out.” Mark Nelson (2015) Tim Vine has won the award for funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe twice (Photo: Getty) Hermit the Frog - A one-off three-panelled strip about Kermit the Frog from The Muppet Show living in a shed with the curtains closed. Beeny of the Lamp – An Aladdin parody in which Sarah Beeny comes out of a magic lamp to help a young couple wishing for advice on buying a property. My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a nice postcard to receive.” Joe Bor (2014)