Fingers in the Sparkle Jar: A Memoir

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I am giving this five stars, even though I did feel that at the two thirds point it dragged a bit. It has beautiful lines, draws the reader in, reveals so much about the author’s inner self and those with Asperger Syndrome and finally has fascinating information about many, many animals. From snakes and tadpoles and dinosaurs to otters and mice and tons about birds! I highly recommend this book. It is a work of art.

Fingers in the Sparkle Jar by Chris Packham | Open Library Fingers in the Sparkle Jar by Chris Packham | Open Library

This is not a misery memoir full of self-pity: his descriptions and adventures into the world of nature soar as high as his love for his kestrel. His emotional pain is tangible, he is unable to cope, and so he begins to ‘separate’ from a world he perceives as confusing, unintelligible, and untrustworthy: Chris decides that animals are easier to trust than people. He makes a nocturnal escape through his bedroom window, finds treasure up a tree and falls in love. The writing is atrocious. There are compound words galore, often made up by the author. That's not always a bad thing, with a deft touch it's something that can add a lot to a book. It's not adding anything here though other than moments of unintentional hilarity. I was reading some of the book out loud so I wasn't the only one suffering, and it took me several minutes to get through the first sentence of one early chapter, because it began with the word "Upfalling" and I couldn't stop laughing.I'm sad to say that I was bored and found the book tough to get through. I wish there was more about the wildlife rather than random perspectives of other people on Chris and his actions. As an adult, Chris was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, which may explain his social awkwardness as a child and intense obsession with nature; an obsession that he managed to forge into a successful career. When other children were playing together in the street, young Chris was out collecting bugs in jars, birds eggs, wings, pellets and other specimens for his curious collection. He was also fascinated by dinosaurs and amassed an incredible amount of knowledge about his favourite subject. The flip side of the tortured anguish is Chris's passionate love of wildlife of every kind and, when younger, of dinosaurs about which he knew every fact there was to know. His fascination leads him to eat toad larvae to see if their molecules would sharpen his vision; to cycle off on night wildlife adventures; and become obsessed with otters. His greatest love was his rescued kestrel which was, as Chris writes so beautifully, 'something shiney I had caught with my heart' and which he tended and trained with meticulous care and devotion. There’s lots of Chris’s unhappy school times, unhappy home times, and happier times out with nature. There’s the discovery of punk. There’s the relationship with a Kestrel.

Fingers in the Sparkle Jar by Chris Packham | Waterstones Fingers in the Sparkle Jar by Chris Packham | Waterstones

I don’t want to tell you too much about the book, as you should read it yourself. I’ll just say again – brave and powerful. And very well written. Don't be fooled into thinking that this is a sweet story about a boy's idyllic childhood exploring nature, though. Much of the material is hard hitting and raw. Encounters with nature are often described with brutal honesty and can be graphic and upsetting. In one story, that weaves its way through the book, teenage Chris steals a baby kestrel from its nest, setting off a chain of events that scars him mentally and causes him to contemplate suicide.

I am.’ He replied quietly, ‘I’m the enemy, my enemy. And I’m chasing myself and when I finally catch me I’m going to kill me.’ By running, by never stopping, by constantly trying to make it better, do it better. By never giving up, by always believing that I can, I must, I will.’

Fingers in the Sparkle Jar: A Memoir - Softcover - AbeBooks

It’s brave because it is a self-portrait of a rather weird kid – not good with people and not a bundle of laughs, it seems. A kid who was fascinated by wildlife. This slightly weird kid grew up to be a slightly weird, and troubled, adult, and the honesty of the book is what makes it very powerful. Chris concludes his painfully honest memoir. He is a confirmed outsider - almost overwhelmed - but determined to do things his way, on his terms.Every minute was magical, every single thing it did was fascinating and everything it didn’t do was equally wondrous, and to be sat there, with a Kestrel, a real live Kestrel, my own real live Kestrel on my wrist! I felt like I’d climbed through a hole in heaven’s fence.” The book veers away from the style of the traditional celebrity autobiography by telling the story from a number of perspectives. Sometimes the story is told in the straightforward, first-person style that would be expected. At other times, we see the boy through the eyes of others: a neighbour, a teacher, a farmer, or a pet shop owner. Thus we begin to build a picture of the personality of the boy and how he is viewed by those around him. Interestingly, some chapters revisit the same events through different perspectives; we see it through the eyes of an outsider and then get Chris' version of events. His writing is poetic, lyrical and beautiful, even when writing about commonplace events such as an encounter with the local ice-cream man. Chris brings to life his childhood in the 1970s, from his bedroom bursting with birds' eggs and jam jars, to his feral adventures. But throughout his story is the search for freedom, meaning and acceptance in a world that didn't understand him. Fingers in the Sparkle Jar is an absorbing read that completely draws the reader in. Sadly, some of the material is unsuitable for younger readers (sexual content and strong language), which is a shame, as an edited version of this book would be perfect for studying in schools to help encourage tolerance and understanding toward those on the autistic spectrum. Many thanks to the publishers for my review copy.

Fingers in the Sparkle Jar by Chris Packham | Waterstones

In his rich, lyrical and emotionally exposing memoir, Chris brings to life his childhood in the 70s, from his bedroom bursting with fox skulls, birds’ eggs and sweaty jam jars, to his feral adventures. But pervading his story is the search for freedom, meaning and acceptance in a world that didn’t understand him. He spoke as if this scenario was a simple, obvious, everyday matter of fact so she responded in a similar vein, ‘How do you stay ahead?’The biggest surprise was the honesty with which a champion of nature preservation admits to collecting rare birds eggs, snaring foxes, and taking a young falcon from the nest as a pet. There are also harrowing accounts of the bullying Chris suffered at school - without understanding the reason. At one point he asks his therapist, 'How could anyone be happy as a child?' These italicised passages reveal the troubled, even suicidal legacy of a childhood living with undiagnosed illness. Unlike any memoir I've read; written as if it were at the same time a novel and a journal, it clearly was a deep source of catharsis. A profoundly exposing and emotional journey into Chris's childhood, detailing his obsession with wildlife and the growing distance he felt to other people, but concentrating on one summer that he shared with a beautiful Kestrel, a summer that would have a deep impact on his life. It is telling of his character that this book is so meticulously and beautifully honed, the language carefully considered and precisely arranged, as though it were a rare eggshell cosseted in cotton wool in a display cabinet.